THE STRAGGLERS Book 2 OWN Page 18

  “Weeks? My daughter will have to be in that incubator for weeks?”

  Doctor Helena confirmed, while she checked my pulse.

  “Yes, her lungs are not quite ready yet, for now she needs help of the equipment to breathe and she’s being fed through a tube, but she’s reacting to the intensive care. Now it’s time to take care of yourself, Maggie. Your blood pressure is coming back to normal, so you keep it like that, you have to remain calm, your daughter will need your strength while she’s in the Neonatal ICU, the contact from the parents to the premature baby, the heat of their body, the touch of your hands, is very important so the baby can develop physically and psychologically better. I’m going to call the nurse to help taking the milk out of you, it will be good for your baby, alright?”

  I agreed and a few minutes later a nurse came to help me take the milk out to feed my little daughter. As soon as the nurse left the room, I locked myself in me, quiet and apathetic. Hunter sat beside me on the bed, also quiet, immerse in his pain and guilt, caressing my hand, as if through the heat of my skin, the feeling of my fingers rubbing his he could finally find the peace he was looking for and couldn’t find. I broke the silence asking:

  “If I tell you something will you say I’m going mad?”

  “No, love, of course not.”

  “I think that these wolf legends may be true, I’m sure I saw Mr Ronan’s face transforming from wolf to human in front of me, the way he and dad fought to death, it was horrible. On our engagement he said dad was a criminal, and that he had been responsible for the death of his son, Jake. Before dying, he said dad was a monster, oh! Hunter, you have no idea how it hurts to know that my father hurt so many people and I didn’t know, he died and I didn’t know him, because he lied so much to me that I never knew what was the truth. Your uncle said that you and Adam would die, as if you were in some kind of dangerous for some reason, why did he say that, Hunter? What are you hiding from me?”

  Hunter stared at me with angst in his eyes, suffering, embarrassed, he sighed deeply, as if he wanted to open his heart, to say something that was hurting him and he couldn’t.

  I’m not really different from Maggie’s father, both animals, both liars. I look this pretty and strong woman in front of me and I think that as she didn’t know who her father really was, Maggie doesn’t really know who I am. Will she continue to love me, when I finally tell her the truth?

  “We’ll talk later, Maggie, I promise to explain everything you want to know, no lies, no secrets. I just don’t know if you’ll still love after I set down all the cards on the table.”

  Maggie stared seriously at me, worried about what I had just said.

  “You’re scaring me like this, Hunter, but it’s alright, if you prefer to talk about this later, I’ll wait.”

  This is the biggest fight of my life, fate has knocked me down, took me to the canvas, I look Maggie in front of me and her look begs me to react, to get up from the floor and hit back, and that’s what I’ll do, even shattered inside, “strength” is all I need to show my wife, so neither me nor her break all at once.

  “Now, all we need is to get back up, we need to get up from the ground, Maggie. Even suffering because of our little boy, we need to be strong, up, our daughter needs us.”

  Maggie signal me to come to her, she sat on the bed with her legs down and pulled me to her, hugging me so strong and so good I my my lips and buried my face on the curve of her neck so she wouldn’t see my tears of angst.

  HUNTER

  On the next day, Maggie woke up full of expectations, because she would de discharged and as soon as doctor Philips entered the room to examine her, she asked anxiously, when could she be with our daughter. The doctor’s answers filled her with joy.

  “Today you’ll be able to be with her and everyday you’ll be able to stay one hour with her in your arms, warming her, taking her, touching her, caressing your daughter, this is wonderful contact to the premature baby to have a connection with you.” And she said turning to me, “You too, Mr Vaugh, caress you daughter, talk to her, let her know how much she’s loved by you.”

  The joy of being able to see my daughter for the first time relieved a little of the pain I was feeling in this last hellish hours: having to burry my son without being able to show Maggie how much that tore me inside.

  I don’t know if it was by her defeated look or because I really remembered those terrible details, Maggie stared me sitting on the bed and asked me, without knowing how to use the words that hurt so much.

  “Hunter, about dad and our baby’s, the fu...”

  I stopped her so she could push away these thoughts from her head, all Maggie and I need now is to grab tight in the happy moments and the biggest may be with our daughter for the first time.

  “It was all settled and taken care of, Malcolm helped me to go through with everything, now I want you to just think about our daughter and nothing else.”

  Maggie and I went to the Neonatal ICU, and the pediatrician oriented us on how to proceed during the time we were with our baby. We put on the sterile clothes, cap, mask and so we were ready, a nurse took us to the incubator where our daughter was.

  So small, so frail, but at the same time she seemed so strong, a warrior, so young already fighting for her life. Maggie touches her little hand and she held tight the finger and didn’t let go. Maggie turned to me and showed our daughter, moved.

  “See, Hunter, how she’s grabbing my finger, tight, the mouth and the chin look like yours.” I hugged her by the waist and watched my little girl, playing with Maggie.

  “But these little round cheeks are yours, she’s so beautiful, isn’t she, love?”

  “Beautiful and much loved.”

  The nurse carefully took my baby out of the incubator and handed her to Maggie, who was already sitting in a comfortable chair. Maggie seated her comfortably by her chest and caressed her back, so she could feel the warmth of her body, the touch of her hands, supporting her with closed eyes, as if she wanted to remember this moment with all her senses. I sat on a chair beside both, my girls, the two females of my life, for them I kill and die, for these sweet strong women I can be a better man.

  “We need to give a name to our little girl, Hunt.”

  “Something that’s pretty and sweet, like her.”

  Maggie agreed, still deep in the moment of having our daughter with her.

  “I like Melanie, what you think?”

  “Perfect, Melanie, our little Mel.”

  The nurse came to me and asked if I didn’t want to hold Melanie.

  “And dad, does he wants to hold his girl?”

  I hesitated, wow! I’m so big, rough hands, so beast like, I’m afraid of hurting little Melanie, she seemed so frail, her feet so small and if I hurt her? But I wanted to have her by me so much, her little body tight to mine, touch her smooth skin, soft. Seeming like she noticed my fears, Maggie nodded and said something that made my heart tight inside my chest.

  “Take your daughter, Big Guy, I know you’re strong, but don’t be afraid, you would never hurt your little girl.”

  I would never hurt my little girls, when I walked the road to meet Maggie, I wanted to protect her, to take her from the war arena, to take her away from ugly death, from hate, I could never imagine she would go into labor and our boy wasn’t going to survive, I would never hurt Maggie, I would prefer to die than to hurt her, I would never... I tried holding back my tears but it was so difficult to be tough near Maggie and Melanie, they are the source of my strength and also the only ones who can break me, because they are my life.

  I stretched my arms and held my little girl carefully, like a delicate flower, of frail petals, her skin warming mine, me protecting her, with my clumsy body, from cold and pain. My Mel, my Maggie, the girls in my life.

  “You’re my life, Maggie, you and Melanie are my fucking life, never forget this, even when you think you hate me.”

  “Shh, don’t say that, Hunt, that’ll never happen an
d even if it does one day, you only have to remind me our deal.” Maggie raises her hand to my heart.

  “You take care of mine.”

  And I answered caressing Melanie.

  “And I take care of yours. Do you forgive me, love, are you capable of forgiving me, Maggie?”

  Maggie put her face by mine and kissed me on the mouth, staring at me seriously.

  “Yes, I don’t know what, but yes... Be that what may be, we’ll get over it together.”

  Melanie turned on my lap and opened her little eyes, slowly, sleepy and then yawned.

  “That’s it, love, open your eyes to daddy, let daddy see those little eyes.”

  Beautiful, huge and black, that seemed to see me from inside. Maggie smelled her excited, like a female smelling her offspring.

  “They are black, like your eyes, Hunt.”

  “That’s it, she’s daddy’s little girl.”

  Since the day Maggie was discharged from the hospital and Melanie had to be at the Neonatal ICU, our routine had to adapt itself to our new reality. I asked Lupita to manage the bar and I have only been there once in a while to deal with what I have to, and Maggie is home, still recovering. Everyday we go to the hospital and stay some time there with Mel. On the second week, Maggie was able to feed her and the thrill of seeing her feeding our daughter was indescribable. I learned, even in a clumsy way, to change diapers and put her to sleep, Mel always slept easy when I sing old Cherokee songs my mother sang to me. All was going well, so we could at last be happy, but the guilt of omitting the truth to Maggie was eating me from from inside, like a wound, a cancer.

  It was a Friday, we were back from visiting Melanie, I broke down, I surrendered, I couldn’t stand anymore the memory of Maggie down on that road, her father’s words calling me a freak, the pain and the guilt I felt seeing my son’s little coffin. Even though I tried to go on, I couldn’t, I’m still on that same road, looking back, imprisoned by guilt, by shame of laying down and sleeping with this woman and lying to her about who and what I am.

  As soon as we got home Maggie asked me why I was so apathetic, angst, and I didn’t answered, I locked myself in our bedroom, I went to the closet and threw some clothes on a little suitcase. When I opened the door, I found Maggie tense, leaning against the wall, waiting for an answer, waiting for me to vomit the truth. I asked her to enter and sit on the bed beside me. She sat and I took a deep breathe to gather courage. Maggie asked me afraid:

  “Is it that thing that we still haven’t talked about, isn’t it? That’s what’s making you nervous? Then, say it, Hunter, I’m ready to hear it.”

  “That morning all you saw was true, it wasn’t a hallucination, something in your head, uncle Ronan, the wolves fighting with those men, that was all true. Those wolves were Adam and me, Maggie. We are lycans, lycanthropes, man wolves, freaks like your father called us, that’s what I am, I can’t lie to you anymore, I can’t pretend you married a normal man, a common human, when that’s not true. We inherit the lycan blood from our parents.” Maggie stopped me in shock:

  “We, means, all of you...” I went on answering her question:

  “Yes, all of us, my brothers, uncle Quinn, me, we’re all lycans. Your grandma, Ronda, was a lycan, a wolf. On our engagement uncle Quinn said you descended from the Martins, they are a pack living near the Alaska reserve, that’s why your father wanted those lands, he knew about the lycan blood, the Cherokee descendent of your mother. When she passed away, he took over the business, taking advantage of the proximity of your land to the reserve and he appropriated himself to part of the Cherokee land that boarded your mother’s land, extracting clandestinely gold from a mine that is there, where that bloody fight happened. That day I asked Adam and uncle Quinn to help me investigate your land, find out why your father hired so many employees to work on a land he said it was unproductive. When we got there, we caught the men mining gold and your father surprised us by trying to escape. He incited the man to kill us saying that we were looters and we wanted to rob them, there were many gold diggers, humans and lycans, we tried to run, but they cornered us and then you saw everything that happened. When I saw you in that place, all that I wanted was to protect you, I wanted to get you out of that dirty place, full of death, I didn’t want you to see me that way. But you were so scared that you ended up getting into labor before time, I could have never imagined I was going to be the cause of so much pain, because of that fright our son didn’t make it, all that I wanted was to be a normal man, was to be able to have a perfect girl, a family, to love and protect the woman I love, I love you, Maggie, I never wanted to hurt you, to wound you, but it seems that everything I touch it breaks, it’s like Pamela said that day, I destroy everything I conquer. Now you know the truth, I only ask you to forgive me one day, for all that ugliness you had you see, for not being the man you deserve, the father our Mel deserves, if one day you could forgive me, I would be happy, because I won’t forgive myself, I won’t forgive myself, Maggie.”

  Maggie was quiet, crying without making a scene, quiet, like if she couldn’t believe everything I revealed. Without wanting to prolongue even more our suffering, I got my suitcase and left, she followed me to the door, looking at the suitcase with a lost air, and asked when she saw me cross the threshold:

  “Where are you going, Hunter?”

  I answered with my back turned, so I wouldn’t see her face and lose the courage of leaving.

  “To the ranch, I’ll be there.”

  “But what about Mel and me?”

  “Tomorrow I’m going to the hospital, I would never leave my daughter.”

  Maggie gaged and murmured in a low voice:

  “But what about me, are you leaving me?”

  I opened the car door and put the suitcase on the back seat, enter the car and finally said it:

  “I’m not leaving you, Maggie, I’m trying to give you the space and time you need to find out if you want this man you just met, see you tomorrow, baby.”

  I drove to the ranch with blurry eyes by tears, praying to the skies that after listening to the whole truth, Maggie will still want me... and keep the promise she made to take care of my heart.

  CHAPTER 20

  HUNTER

  I opened the ranch door and as soon as I entered the living room, I saw Connor stare at the suitcase in my hand and quickly his smile died on his face.

  “Hi, Hunt, di... did something ha... happened?”

  Kay closed the refrigerator and came towards me, he stopped chewing an apple by seeing the bleakness on my face.

  “Fuck, Hunt, Maggie dumped you, was it? What the fuck did you do this time, old man?”

  How could I answer Kay’s question with dignity? How should I start numbering the shits I did that ended up fucking my relationship with Maggie?

  My stupidity in believing I’m smart enough to have a perfect woman, my dream marriage and not fuck everything up? The ‘simple’ spectacle I made her watch when I tore a guy’s arm off right in front of her? Lie and omit about the bizarre creature I am and I insist on hiding in this good man make-up?

  There is a bunch of shit, you can’t say which is worst, but, even so, I have to explain what happened. After they heard attentively, Connor made a huge effort to try to minimize the fuck up situation I’m at and, as always, he filled my head with his positivity taken out of a self help book.

  “Be... be calm, this... this is a se... self know... self knowledge mo... moment fo... for the tw... two of you, all... all is we... well that end’s we... well.”

  Ah! My good mother, I look at Kayden, as always, covered only by a towel and Connor trying to console me and I think about I surprised myself about the wedding: me, the “pussy enchanter” of the family, the guy that lived to fuck and drink, without wanting commitment to any woman, running from relationships like the devil runs from the cross, I discovered myself being the “perfect family man” since I met Maggie.

  Fuck, how much I love being married: the scent of my female
, smooth and sweet, that fills our house with lightness. Sleep cuddling my woman, in a sea of thighs and arms so nice and warm that makes me want to stay in bed.

  The talk during diner and a quick in the morning, before going to work. My baby’s lips blowing me and making me mad with her little hands dragging them slowly through my body, till wantonly grabbing my cock.

  Fuck! Why did everything had to be like this? I take a deep breath and try to put on a weak smile on my face, disguising the knot in my throat that’s making so hard, I love that girl so much, why did everything have to end this way? Me, having to return to my rowdy single brothers, when what I want the most is to be able to be with my girls: Maggie and Melanie.

  Connor takes my suitcase to my old bedroom and I try to endure the hours dragging by, pretending to listen to what he can Kay talk during dinner, that was burnt again.

  I toss and turn in that cold and strange bed and I give up trying to sleep. Every minute that goes on the fact that Maggie slipped through my fingers, hurts me more than a whip on my flesh.

  I walk around the living room like a wounded animal, missing her scent, the warmth of my female skin, her untidy makers, her silly habits and I smile wide open.

  I go to the kitchen and open the side cabinet, remembering it’s there that Adam always keep a whiskey bottle for when he wants to relax after a tiring night at the police station. As soon as I open the doors, two whiskey bottles stare at me, like serpents enchanting me.

  My hands shake, I sweating cold and close the cabinet door quick, pushing that thought away from my head. I lean against the sink and on my mind is Maggie’s looks of deception listening me tell her the truth, the little motionless body of my son, then I open the cabinet once again and get the two bottles, holding them by my chest, as if they were two anchors when I can lean on my pain.